Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
