I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there's paper in my vomit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
