I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
