I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
