My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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