I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize