Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
