First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
