Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
