So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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