Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize