I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
