This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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