Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
