Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Found your dick twin last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
