help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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