11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
