you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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