so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
