So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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