I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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