I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
