Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
