If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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