So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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