can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
