Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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