i just google imaged poop.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
