shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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