Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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