so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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