i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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