I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
