dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
