New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
