is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
