6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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