he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
