his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
