I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
