You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
