wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
