How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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