I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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