All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
