I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
