i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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