Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
