Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
