we have pet lesbian snakes
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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