Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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