I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
