So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
