I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
