yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Randomize
