I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
