dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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