He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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