speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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