Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
