I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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