The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
